by Eric Charles
I have been dating a man for about 5 months and everything is pretty good.
He was married for 10 years and has been divorced for about 2.
His ex still gives him a hard time, but he says that he has moved on.
He has custody of one child and she the other.
We spend majority of our time together. We go out often, I’ve been introduced to the family and he to mine, and he treats me like I’m his girlfriend.
Last week I bought up the subject and the answer wasn’t what I expected.
He told me how great I was and that he loved what we have, but at this time, he didn’t have the capacity to commit to more.
I processed this and the next day told him that we probably shouldn’t talk or see each other anymore.
My rationale was that I was too emotionally caught up and didn’t know when he would have the ‘capacity.’
He was in utter shock!
He said that he expected me to pull back, but not cut it off completely.
Then, he back peddled and said he prays daily for god to release some of the things in his life.
He also said that just because he doesn’t have the capacity today it doesn’t mean that he won’t have it in 2,4, or 6 months.
Being a woman, I accepted his logic and things have been good.
He continues to treat me well, but in the back of my mind I’m scared things aren’t going to change and that I’m wasting my time.
I want to have kids and he knows this (and says this is fine) so this further complicates the situation because I don’t want to waste these years with someone who doesn’t have the capacity to commit at this time.
Lately I’ve also notice that when we talk about things like houses and cars he uses ‘us’ and ‘we.’
For example, I am considering purchasing a new car (sports).
We were talking and he told me to purchase whatever I like, but remember that I want to have kids in a few years and that I would have to get a new car.
I said that my future husband would just take my car and I would take his.
He told me that if we marry that that car switching wouldn’t work (he doesn’t like small cars) and that I better buy a car that could hold the entire family (including his family).
Mixed signals?
I’m really confused. Do I leave since the one thing I know for certain is that he doesn’t have the capacity or enjoy our time together?
See our guy’s response after the jump!
I can tell you right off the bat that I can’t tell you what the best move is going to be, but I can understand the guy’s reluctance to make it official… even if it basically already is in every respect.
For a guy who’s already been married and has custody for one of his two children, I can imagine why he would be very cautious in making commitments with a
new woman.
My bet is that the root of it is some kind of fear or bad experience.
I don’t know the guy or have much information on him, so I am just making a guess.
For all I know, he might have committed to his ex-wife and once he did, it was all downhill.
For that reason, he might believe (on an emotional level) that if he starts defining commitments that the relationship will go downhill.
It sounds to me like he wants to have a good relationship – he talks about the future, he introduced you to his family, he treats you like a girlfriend.
From what you said, it doesn’t sound like he’s trying to avoid commitment so that he can see other women.
It sounds like he’s reluctant because he’s dealing with his own stuff and he wants to make sure that both of you are ready for a relationship.
Take it from me, sometimes a guy can really love a woman and not be ready or in a position to have a relationship.
But I believe that things can change as time goes on. I can’t guarantee it in your situation specifically, but generally speaking things can work out as long as the guy is working through his issues.
I understand your concerns though – you don’t want to waste your time with a relationship that won’t work out, especially since you want to be a mother someday.
I can’t really help you make the call on whether to stay or leave.
All I can say is (from what you’ve told me) is that he sounds like he probably had a rough time with his first marriage and wants to be extra careful this time around.
Or maybe he believes that the dating dynamic works a lot better for him than the committed relationship dynamic at this point in time. At the very least, if you can see it from this point of view it will probably help you decide how long you’re willing to wait to find out.
I’ll touch upon a few things that I’ve said in previous Ask a Guy posts.
One thing I said was that if you’ve been seeing a guy for 3 months and he’s not calling you his girlfriend, chances are he won’t.
Now, in the context of when I said it, the gist of the situation was the girl wanted more and the guy seemed comfortable where he was.
I don’t get that vibe from what you’re talking about here.
I get the impression that he is working out his stuff and his intention is for the relationship to develop once he’s stabilized himself.
It still raises the question of how long that will take, but it’s a much different situation than an apathetic guy passively seeing a girl with little effort or interest in the future of the relationship.
Having a title sounds like it would be reassuring, but if you were forced to choose between having an amazing relationship or having the title, I am sure that you (and any other woman) would choose to have a great relationship.
The good news is… it sounds to me like you do have that.
At least, for the most part.
I would say that it would be a good move for you to take a look at what your thoughts are on the matter.
Write them out.
Get objective, get clear.
Try your best to be rational and to avoid jumping to conclusions… I say this because when you mentioned that you proposed leaving the relationship after he didn’t want to call you his girlfriend, it struck me as kind of an extreme, all-or-nothing type of response.
I would bet there were assumptions that you made that upset you that very well might not be the case.
It is quite possible that if you talked with him calmly and rationally, it would put both of you at ease.
But it’s not for everyone… it really depends on how easily each of you can have a calm, understanding discussion to let the other one know where you stand.
If either of you has a tendency toward anger, or jumping to conclusions, or assuming you know what the other person is thinking, etc., then it probably would not be a good situation to talk about it.
All in all, it’s a choice for you.
How much compassion are you willing to extend to him?
How long are you willing to wait for him for him to come around?
If he were to come around, how would he be in everyday life?
How would you be in everyday life?
Can you picture it clearly and realistically?
He’s told you what he wants at this moment, so the ball is in your court to decide what you want.
All I can really do is shine some light on the situation.
Hope it helps.
– eric charles
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follow a new mode3 point shot. Game winning shot. 35 fucking feet away.
35 fucking feet. Away.
OKLAHOMA CITY (AP) — Stephen Curry had no clue how far from the hoop he was. He just knew it was time to shoot.
His 3-pointer from well beyond 30 feet with 0.6 seconds left in overtime gave the Golden State Warriors a 121-118 win over the Oklahoma City Thunder on Saturday night.
“Honestly, I don’t know exactly where I am, so it’s not like I’m calibrating in my head, all right, 38 feet, 37, 36,” he said. “Just literally, you’ve got a sense of — I’ve shot the shot plenty of times, you’re coming across halfcourt and timing up your dribbles, and you want to shoot before the defense goes in. And that was pretty much my only thought.”
Golden State, with the best 58-game record in NBA history at 53-5, became the first team since the 1987-88 Los Angeles Lakers to clinch a playoff spot in February, a Warriors spokesman said.
The postseason berth was secured about an hour before Curry’s scintillating shot, when Houston lost to the San Antonio Spurs. That assured Golden State will finish no lower than eighth in the Western Conference. []
Just fuck everything you thought you KNEW about life. Shit!
Detroit Lions star receiver Calvin Johnson told his family and a close circle of friends before the past season that 2015-16 would be his final season in the NFL. He delivered the same message to coach Jim Caldwell the day after the regular season ended, sources told ESPN.
Caldwell told Johnson not to rush his decision and to take his time, sources told ESPN. Out of respect to Caldwell, Johnson agreed to do just that, according to sources.
The Lions have not given up hope that Johnson will change his mind, but one person who knows Johnson well said, “He’s pretty content with his decision.”
After nine seasons in the NFL, Johnson’s body is beaten down. The five-time Pro Bowler has battled lingering ankle injuries and general body soreness to the point that it would be difficult for him to return for another season, during which he would turn 31 years old.
Johnson’s body has been so sore and his conviction so strong that he shared his decision to retire after the 2015 season with only two teammates — quarterbackMatthew Stafford and linebacker Stephen Tulloch — with the request that they keep it confidential, according to sources. –
This is about the last news that the Lions needed to hear considering how much of a pillar CJ is not only as a player but as a leader for the team.
Now some people are thinking: “After only 9 years, Megatron? You are going to retire after ONLY 9 years?”
Think about it, people. Think about the kind of money Megatron signed for when he was the 2nd pick in the draft as well as the money he has made. $132 Million signing bonus…. the kind of money he has made leaves him with the ability TO bounce out from the game. Also consider just how much abuse his body has taken these 9 years and then look at the kind of money he has made and then realize that he doesn’t HAVE to stay in the NFL. He’s not one of those junior guys lower on the roster that needs to keep making what they make so that they can survive.
He’s Megatron, dammit lol. The kind of money he has made lets him not have to deal with the kind of beating his body has taken.
We’d hate to see you leave the game, CJ, but you’ve got to do what’s right.
As I am not the world’s most avid golfer and I’m just beginning to take lesson get my golf game up to dominate on my cousin’s beloved little courses, I have been doing some early research and I was able to find some pretty good tips. Check these out…
Just thought I would share some advice with everybody that I’ve learned over the years as an instructor. I’ve played since I was little and I was about a 2 handicap when I was playing everyday in high school so I hope I can help someone get better at this ridiculous game.
Short Game
The rule is simple.. For any amount of time you spend practicing golf, 2/3 of the time you should be practicing short game. The easiest way to lower your scores no matter what handicap is improving your short game. An average player can get the ball within 25 yards in two shots on any given par 4, but the difference between a great golfer and an average one is the great golfer can get from 25 yards to the hole in 2 shots the majority of the time. I cant stress the importance of short game practice enough.
On The Range
Please take your time.. Take every shot on the range with purpose, don’t just hit to hit, and take the time you need to regain your composure before each shot. This is especially important when you play in humid hot climates like me. Another thing is move around before you hit your next shot, get used to having to go in and out of your set-up. I easily take twice as long as other people I see on the range with the same amount of golf balls. If you’re short on time for practice just hit less balls, don’t speed up just to get you’re moneys worth.
Dealing with Pressure
We all feel it, whether we’re playing with friends for money, trying to sink that put to break your low score, or playing in competition. The best thing you can do to help your performance in pressure situations is learning to control your breathing. So next time you’re working out in the gym or you find yourself physically exhausted in any way where you are gasping for air, don’t gasp for air. Close your mouth and breath slowly out of your nose. Its pretty hard at first but if you get good at breathing when exhausted you’re preparing your body to deal with the pressure your mind puts on your body. Another trick I learned from a sports psychologist is the feeling you get when your nervous is actually the exact same feeling as when you’re excited but our minds associate different names to each feeling. You can convince your mind that your not nervous by simply stating to yourself that your excited. This did wonders for me it might help you too!
Swing Tips
The two best swing tips I was ever given was keep your wrist loose and keep your swing short. For the vast majority of golfers, a 3/4 swing is all that is required for maximum clubhead speed. This ties in with the first tip because you get the most clubhead speed from the 9 o’clock position to the 3 o’clock position and that is due to the whip your wrist create. If you’ve ever wondered why that guy who couldn’t lift half of what you could lift hits it 50 yards further, its because he keeps his wrist loose through his swing so he creates a violent whip-like action with the golf club.
Lastly I urge anyone who wants to not only get better at golf but be better at everything in life to exercise and do yoga. Starting to do yoga once a week was easily one of the best decisions I’ve ever made. Not only will exercise and yoga lead to a healthier and better feeling you but you will see how everything in golf and life becomes a little easier. If you’ve read this far I hope something here will help you with your game. Feel free to ask any questions! – from
and /r/golf
I love Denver. Not just because of the legalized marijuana and it’s super healthy lifestyle of it’s residents with all of their damn mountain hiking which gives the ladies great asses. No.
Well it’s all of those things plus a few more. The Bottom line is that Denver is great, The Broncos are great and it’s awesome to see them heading back to their former glory.
But also? It’s really about The Patriots. Fuck The Patriots.
It’s not just because I am a hater, and believe me, I’m a fucking hater of the Patriots, But it’s more about the fact
Fuck Tom Brady
Fuck those arrogant Pats Fans
Fuck their lawyers who always help them get away with shit.
Fuck New England.
Fuck that smug mascot.
Fuck Clam Chowder.
That is all.
I did NOT see this one coming!
NFL owners in Houston voted 30-2 to ratify the Rams’ relocation application for an immediate move to L.A., where the team will eventually begin play at owner Stan Kroenke’s proposed stadium site in Inglewood in 2019. It’s a seismic decision that returns the highest level of professional football to the country’s second-largest media market after a 21-year absence.
The Rams could be joined by the Chargers, who have a one-year option to decide if they want to relocate and join the Rams in Inglewood. Per NFL Media Insider Ian Rapoport, the Chargers will have up until the conclusion of owners meetings (March 20-23) to decide if they’re playing in LA or SD in 2016. The window creates the possibility — however slight — that the Chargers could remain in San Diego. The city is hosting a June vote for $350 million in public funding toward a new facility to replace Qualcomm Stadium. It is possible the Chargers put off a final decision until that vote takes place.
The Raiders — the third team that had L.A. aspirations — withdrew their application for relocation on Tuesday and will work with the league toward a stadium solution, most likely in Oakland. If the Chargers do not exercise their option to move to Los Angeles, the Raiders will have a one-year option to join the Rams in Inglewood.
NFL Commissioner Roger Goodell said during a Tuesday night news conference that the league will provide $100 million to both the Chargers and Raiders if they remain in their current home markets.
“I will be working over the next several weeks to explore these options that we have now created for ourselves to determine the best path forward for the Chargers,” said Chargers owner Dean Spanos.
The Chargers and owner Dean Spanos had been in a partnership with the Raiders for a proposed stadium site in Carson, California, but NFL Media’s Judy Battista reported that there was “strong opposition” for a Silver & Black return to Los Angeles.
The win for Los Angeles is very much a loss for NFL fans in St. Louis. The NFL had not had a team relocate since the Houston Oilers moved to Nashville in 1997. On Tuesday, St. Louis lost their secondNFL team, as the Rams followed in the footsteps of the Cardinals, who left the city for Phoenix before the 1988 season. []
It’s like St Louis can’t catch a break at all!
Damn, Steph Curry! Let’s be real here – The Golden State Warriors are one of the most interesting teams to watch right now and much of that has to do not only with Steph Curry’s skills on the court but more so the confidence and energy he spreads to his teammates when he is in his zone. Which is pretty much all of the damn time. Here is to a speedy recovery, Steph.
Golden State star Stephen Curry has a bruised lower left leg that sidelined him for Wednesday night’s game at Dallas, and could keep him out for the second day of a back-to-back in Houston.
Not surprisingly, the Warriors lost the game, 114-91, just their second loss of the season.
As for whether interim coach Luke Walton is relieved that an MRI didn’t reveal something more serious, that’s not quite accurate.
“A relief is if they said he was playing and that he was healthy,” Walton said with a smile before the matchup with the Mavericks. “But yeah, as long as it’s not anything serious, we’re fine with the fact that he might need a couple of days or however long this thing takes to heal.”
Curry was injured during Monday’s 122-103 victory against Sacramento. He had a triple-double in the game. It will be the first game he has missed since last March 13, a 114-103 loss at Denver.
Golden State entered with a 29-1 record after setting an NBA record with a 24-0 start.
Walton said Shaun Livingston will start in Curry’s place, and that several players will fill in at point guard. And Walton says everyone has to fill the 30-point void left by the absence of the NBA’s leading scorer and reigning MVP.
“We told the guys we need everyone else to step up, but not in an individual attitude, as `I’m going to go get these points for us,'” Walton said. “It’s got to be `We are going to do this. And we’re going to be aggressive (read the whole thing )
You knew shit was getting real when the old guy trying to calm down the angry old guy, then became the super crazy old guy. When the person who is trying to talk some sense into someone then becomes the one that needs to be talked down, Things are about to get crazy.
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