March 17, 2012
Two rabbits are in a garden and one of the rabbits says, "Thith carrot tathes pithy."
The other rabbit says, "Yes, I know, I just pithed on it."
Two guys were out fishing on the lake when a hearse and funeral procession
passed the boat on a nearby road. One of them stood up and held his fishing
hat over his heart as the hearse passed. His buddy commented, "Gee, Harry,
that was really nice and respectful!"
To which Harry replied, "Well, after all we were married 40 years."
There's this penguin, driving through the South, the Deep South... late
August. The hot months. "Ew! But it sure is hot!" the penguin lisped from
behind the wheel of his choking jalopy.
Suddenly! The jalopy fails the penguin and he has to push it down a
bumpy road to the next small town. He got out, and with all his strength
in his weak flippers, he pushed the car over hill and dale.
"Whew!" he sighed.
As luck would have it, there was a mechanic in town, and he told the
penguin that he'd have to spend some time with the car. "Why don't you come
back in an hour or so?"
Wiping the sweat from his brow, the penguin espied an ice cream shoppe!
"Hurray and yippy!" he cried! "I'll be back, toot sweet!" he said.
He ordered the tallest vanilla ice cream he could hold between his vestigial
wings... those miserable fins could barely manage the scoops upon scoops of
creamy goodness. The cone was so tall that more of it ended up on the penguin
than in him!
"Yummy! That was very very good!" the penguin said, smacking his lips.
He waddled back to the mechanic who was ready to give the little fellow
an update. The mechanic looked at the penguin sternly. The gaskets and seals
on the engine were severely damaged after years of driving without a routine
check, and it was certainly going to be expensive.
"Well, it looks like you blew a seal."
"Oh no, that's just ice cream!" the penguin said, wiping the ice cream
from his chin.
A set of jumper cables walks into a bar. The bartender looks at them and says,
"OK, I'll serve you, but don't start anything."
There’s a sweet old couple happily living life. One day the wife went in
for a medical exam and when she came home she reported to her husband,
"The doctor says I have the heart of a 50-year-old, lungs of a 40-year-old,
and the blood pressure of a 25-year-old."
The huband replies, "Oh really? And what did he say about your
70-year-old ass?"
She replied, "He never mentioned you."
As a young minister, I was asked by a funeral director to hold a
graveside service for a homeless man, with no family or friends, who had
died while traveling through the area. The funeral was to be held at a
new cemetery way back in the country, and this man would be the first
to be laid to rest there.
As I was not familiar with the backwoods area, I and
being a typical man, I did not stop for directions. I finally arrived
an hour late. I saw the crew, eating lunch, but the hearse was nowhere
in sight. I apologized to the workers for my tardiness, and stepped to
the side of the open grave, where I saw the vault lid already in place.
I assured the workers I would not hold them long, but this was the
proper thing to do.
The workers gathered around, still eating their lunch. I poured out
my heart and soul. As I preached, the workers began to say "Amen,"
"Praise the Lord," and "Glory." I preached and I preached, like I'd
never preached before: from Genesis all the way to Revelations.
I closed the lengthy service with a prayer and walked to my car.
I felt I had done my duty for the homeless man and that the crew
would leave with a renewed sense of purpose and dedication, in spite
of my tardiness.
As I was opening the door and taking off my coat, I overheard
one of the workers saying to another, "I ain't never seen anything
like that before...and I've been puttin' in septic tanks for
more'n 20 years."
Justice Brewer was asked by a man, "Will you please tell me, sir, what is the
penalty for bigamy?"
Justice Brewer smiled and answered, "Two mothers-in-law."
A woman was shopping at her local supermarket where she selected:
a half-gallon of 2% milk
a carton of eggs
a quart of orange juice
a head of romaine lettuce
a 2 lb. can of coffee
a 1 lb. package of bacon
As she was unloading her items onto the conveyor belt to check out, a
drunk standing behind her was watching.
While the cashier was ringing up her purchases, the drunk calmly stated,
"You must be single."
The woman was a bit startled by this proclamation, but she was intrigued
by the derelict's intuition, since she was indeed single. She looked at her
six items on the belt and saw nothing particularly unusual about her selections
that could have tipped of the drunk to her marital status. Curiosity getting
the better of her, she said, "Well, you know what, you're absolutely
correct. But how on Earth did you know that?"
The drunk replied, "'Cuz you're ugly"
Mickey Mouse and Minnie Mouse were in divorce court and the judge
said to Mickey, "You say here that your wife is crazy."
Mickey replied, "I didn't say she was crazy, I said she's fucking
"It's just too hot to wear clothes today," Jack says as he stepped out
of the shower, "Honey, what do you think the neighbors would think if I
mowed the lawn like this?"
"Probably that I married you for your money," she replied.
March 15, 2012
A 2nd grade teacher decides to teach sex ed. to her class. She starts out by drawing a penis on the chalk board
and asks the class, "Does anyone know what this is?"
And little Johnny says, "Yes, my dad has 2 of them!"
And the teacher says, "Are you sure about that?"
And little Johnny says, "Yes, he uses a small skinny one to go to the bathroom, and a big long one to brush the
babysitter's teeth."
A study conducted at UCLA's Department of Psychiatry has revealed that the kind of face a woman finds attractive
on a man can differ depending on where she is in her menstrual cycle or past menopause. For example: If she is
ovulating, she is attracted to a men with rugged and masculine features. However, if she is menstruating, or
menopausal, she tends to me more attracted to a man with duct tape over his mouth and a spear lodged in his chest
while he is on fire. No further studies are expected.
& ZWave, Inc. 2012 |英雄介绍：
雷克塞是她族群之中体型最大、脾气最暴的。她是一个无情的掠食者，可以在地底挖掘隧道，来伏击并吞噬她的猎物。一旦雷克塞侦测到你，你的命运就已注定。毫无逃生的希望；她是来自沙砾之下的死亡。...
涨涨姿势：
LOL动画：《暴走撸啊撸》是暴走漫画出品的网络动漫，各种诙谐幽默的趣事，内含恶搞、流行、无节操诸多段子，备受lol玩家喜爱 ...
HANK出品：《殴打小朋友》系列是AB两大弹幕网知名视频制作者——HANK倾力打造的英雄联盟全新搞笑解说系列...
MISS出品：知名游戏解说，主持人，她就是美女解说MISS大小姐给大家带来全新英雄联盟解说系列...
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事情的大体经过就是昨晚小智在直播的时候用辛德拉，但是不小心带错了符文被对面的人马打爆。结果对面的人马玩家不停的嘲讽，甚至还说吃了小智卖的肉松饼食物中毒。所以导致小智当场发火，连键盘都砸了。最后小智表示会采取法律手段来解决此事。
Angelababy化身金克丝 若风双排拯救天下
　LOL现在可以说是一项全民运动了，关心LOL的玩家应该知道在娱乐圈有不少的玩家都是LOLer。情景喜剧《爱情公寓》中曾小贤的扮演者陈赫就是一位资深的撸迷。近期，张伟的扮演者李佳航和解说小漠的双排视频更是让大家惊叹明星玩家的水平深不可测。而今天小编更是发现原来女神Angelababy竟然也是撸友。
草莓喜得千金 长微博满满都是幸福
有一天，你告诉我我快要当爸爸了，当时我想退役飞回武汉，你说不要担心，我会照顾好自己，希望你可以把所有的注意力都放到比赛上面。今天，小草莓啼哭着来到我的面前，母女平安。感谢你，默默的支持我这几年。我无以为报，只有用余生来偿还。感谢你，让我可以参与一个生命的成长，让我有机会和她同行一段。
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AHgame. 安游在线 版权所有 联系方式：QQ 1104747Lord of Life Church / Welcome / Welcome
Or, you can“BUT REALLY, who is Beck????”
IMMA LET YOU FINISH, BUT —
We watched the live audience feed so you didn’t have to!
Genius. Total genius.
Silly. She looked kinda silly.
Why so salty?
Because you are your one true love.
BRB just sending myself into space where I can forget about that missed high-five.
#MugabeFalls is the highest form of art in this digital age.
The Huang family truly encapsulates an Asian-American household. FINALLY!
“Stick a thermometer up Washington’s ass. See how much heat I just created.”
What a time-saver.
I’ve been waiting two-thirds of my life for this to happen.
My inner goddess can’t stop laughing.
Find your ultimate binge-watching, eating-nutella-out-of-the-jar partner in crime.
The pinup calendar of any knitter’s dreams.
“Labor leadership chatter is all about Government sacking itself for its poor performance”.
You’re so crafty you make humans.
There will be that one asshole who never flushes.
People are mean.
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#{img_n_width}x#{img_n_height}2014年度盘点You Are My Champion!
木木不哭官方微信号扫一扫感觉自己萌萌哒
LPL职业联赛全世界竞争最强的联赛
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