Five Things Hackers Need To Do Instead Of Hacking Celebrity Nude Pictures
by , 9/1/14
I’m sure you’ve heard by now of the hacker who managed to find and leak nude pictures of dozens of celebrities over the weekend, including Jennifer Lawrence and Kate Upton. I won’t provide links to these images because 1) It’s really fucked up and 2) I’m pretty sure it’s illegal, but they do exist and there will likely be dozens of lawsuits in the next several months because of them.
This isn’t the first time something like this has happened. The list of celebrities — and non-celebrities — who’ve had their phones/emails/computers hacked and private photos/videos stolen is too long to list. Often, these hackers have had to find a way to bypass secure servers, passwords, and other forms of high-level internet security, which begs an obvious question: Why don’t they use their powers for good?
Sure, you have hackivist groups like Anonymous, but they mostly deal with highly publicized cases. What about the little people? The taxpayers? The voters? The people subjected to Big Sean’s rap career? Who’s looking out for us?
But let’s say these hackers determined to find and leak celebrity photos actually did use their powers for good, what would they possibly do?
1. Hack into the Facebook/Instagram accounts of everyone who takes 17 selfies a day, and delete a third of the selfies
This wouldn’t really provide a public good. I just want to see if any of these people would even notice they were missing.
2. Hack into the Pennsylvania Department of Transportation, and do…things
I have my reasons.
3. Add 100 points to everyone’s credit score
And, if “everyone’s” isn’t logically possible, just take out “everyone’s” and insert “my.”
4. Change the clerical error America made when electing Bush president in 2000
Sure, you can’t undo the things that were done during the Bush presidency. That would take a time machine. And a shitload of bleach. But, 10,000 years from now, when the only information left about America can be found in an archived Encyclopedia Britannica set, at least the aliens reading them won’t know we were fucking dumb enough to elect a Lenzner Coach Line backup driver as leader of the free world.
5. Delete Yung Berg’s entire catalog
Just think about a world with no Yung Berg features, no Yung Berg tracks, no Yung Berg on Twitter, no Yung Berg quotes about “dark butts” and no Yung Berg images on the internet. I know, I know, I know. This much goodness, this much ecstasy, is hard to fathom. But, we can dream, can’t we?
Damon Young is the editor-in-chief of VSB. He is also a contributing editor . He resides in Pittsburgh, and he really likes pancakes.
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So the House hath rejected the
Senate's genuinely useless payroll tax cut plan. Here's what the
World's Greatest Deliberative Body () proposed:
The Senate's short-term, lowest-common-denominator approach
would renew a 2 percentage point cut in the Social Security payroll
tax, plus jobless benefits averaging about $300 a week for the
long-term unemployed, and would prevent a 27 percent cut in
Medicare payments to doctors. The two-month, $33 billion cost would
be financed by a 0.10 percentage point hike in home loan guarantee
fees charged by mortgage giants Fannie Mae and Freddie Mac, which
the administration says would raise the monthly payment on a
typical $210,000 loan by about $15 a month.
In order to pay for a FICA tax cut, they would ding
homeowners. The House had passed legislation that was slightly
different in terms of paying for the continued payroll tax cuts but
mostly different in that it extended the cut through the end of the
fiscal year:
The House passed a separate plan last week that would have
extended the payroll tax cut for one year. But that version also
contained spending cuts opposed by Democrats and tighter rules for
jobless benefits.
Both the House and Senate bills included a provision designed to
force Obama to make a decision on construction of the controversial
Keystone XL pipeline, which would deliver up to 700,000 barrels of
oil daily from tar sands in Alberta, Canada, to refineries in
Texas. The provision requires him to issue the needed permit unless
he declares the pipeline would not serve the national interest.
There is no reason to believe that the payroll tax cut has been
job-creatin' or stimulative in any meaningful sense of the words.
Yes, it's better to pay less in taxes but absent any cut in Social
Security benefits, we all know that the current reduction simply
means higher taxes (and/or bigger benefit cuts) down the road.
Here's an idea: Let's stop the fiction of "payroll taxes"
altogether. FICA taxes are sucked out of every dollar of earned
income from dollar one through around $110, 100 (starting in 2012);
they are split between employer and employee and the total comes to
a touch over 15 percent. Ostensibly, these funds go to cover Social
Security and Medicare. But that's not really true in either case.
Social Security's "trust fund" has been raided for a very long time
to pay for general government outlays and, more recently, doesn't
provide enough cash to cover day-to-day expenses anyway.
were never intended to cover
the full costs of that program and they just keep falling far
shorter every day.
Let's be adult and admit that "payroll taxes" are just another
it's a mental dodge to pretend call them by a
different name. If they were named accurately, perhaps it would
allow us to discuss spending more accurately too. If we want a
payroll tax "holiday," then why not actually kill the taxes
altogether? What sort of vacation from reality are we getting by
trimming 2 percentage points anyway? What a strange time for a
government that borrows more than 40 percent of every dollar it
spends to miser out!
And let's be even more adult
and try not to spend more than we're willing to pay for. I'm not
even being brave or super-principled in suggesting that. The bill's
going to come due some day and it's not going to be any easier when
we're older. , it actually wouldn't be that
tough over the next decade or so to bring revenues and expenses in
line with one another. Indeed, if we kept spending to 19 percent of
GDP (more than it was at the end of the Clinton presidency),
outlays and revenue would match up. It requires small (3.6 percent)
year-over-year cuts from a federal tab that has basically doubled
over the past decade-plus.
I know it's nuts to suggest that the government, like living,
breathing human beings, should live within its means, but it's
really all I want for Christmas.
&is the editor in chief &and Reason TV and the co-author of The Declaration of Independents: How Libertarian Politics Can Fix What's Wrong With America, just .
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